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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27159833">How To Negotiate With Aliens</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sungshack/pseuds/sungshack'>sungshack</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jisung's 'How To' Guide (Alien Edition) [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alien Abduction, Alien Character(s), Alien Earthologist Asisstant Minho, M/M, Monsters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:14:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,102</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27159833</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sungshack/pseuds/sungshack</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>To Jisung's worst nightmares, the blob opened a hole in itself - probably a mouth - and Jisung's stared at what's inside of it instead. Just... <em>pink</em>. And then some more <em>PINK</em>. Jisung's gay and shit, but God, too much pink.</p><p>He'd tried to decipher the end of his fate. Will the pink blob eat him? </p><p>
  <em>Wait.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Did it have tentacles?</em>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jisung's 'How To' Guide (Alien Edition) [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1982453</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Stray Kids SpookFest</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>How To Negotiate With Aliens</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jisung started. Alarms were blaring - it felt as if it was just right next to him - his head pounded, ears rang and mouth was dry. He tried to sit up, but found his waist, wrists and ankles stuck to a squishy... table, if he dared to put a label on it. His limbs were as if glued to it. If you ask Jisung if he's dreaming his usual nonsense, then, for once, he'd say, "I wish I had come up with such madness." </p><p>Choking on the dryness of his mouth when trying to swallow just the slightest of what's over of his saliva, he wondered, why did he feel so dehydrated? </p><p>He shrieked when he felt a poke to his ribs, yet when he looked to his side there was nothing. His heart sped up a mile. What's going on and where is he? Unfortunately, he did have a hunch. Which might be a bit overglorified in his poor brain. In his poor <em>human</em> brain.</p><p>The alarms finally died down and Jisung felt a weight lift of his whole body. He felt light. Was he, perhaps, dead? Did he end up at the devil's examination table? </p><p>His head kept pounding, as if it was his own alarm, keeping on reminding him, that this was completely out of norm.</p><p>His eyes were fixed on the ceiling. The lights almost burned him. No, he didn't feel like they were burning him. It were those awful lamps that produced more heat than light. God, is he being cooked alive? Like a chicken? Like a very damn tasteful chicken? He wished he had eaten worse, so he wouldn't taste very appetizing to the thing that's gonna eat him.</p><p>A click echoed in the room and Jisung immediately turned his head towards it. Through the door came - those were... <em>very colourful</em> men. In the back of his mind he kind of knew what he was dealing with, yet how could he admit that what he's been so obsessed with - from childhood on, if he had to throw his cards on the table - is right in front of him.</p><p>Oh, yeah. Might he add, one was holding something - very big -, an adorable pink-purplish swirl of squish - Jisung's still terrified though - and it's moving. It's fucking moving. Hentai wasn't contributing anything positive to his thoughts right now.</p><p>They stared at him, flabbergasted. Jisung himself stared back, horrified as they talked to each other in a language he's never heard before. They cautiously backed off and closed the door. He could hear their muffled yells.</p><p>He turned to look in the room. Tech was scattered here and there. Unknown to him. And - oh - there's another squish blob in the corner. It had a collar on and it stared at him.</p><p>It stared, is what he assumed it's doing - it didn't really have eyes - and Jisung stared back, because keeping eye contact served for good first impressions and asserting dominance, you know, that kind of bullshit his social behaviour professor taught him.</p><p>To Jisung's worst nightmares, the blob opened a hole in itself - probably a mouth - and Jisung's stared at what's inside of it instead. Just... <em>pink</em>. And then some more <em>PINK</em>. Jisung's gay and shit, but God, too much pink.</p><p>He'd tried to decipher the end of his fate. Will the pink blob eat him? </p><p>
  <em>Wait.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Did it have tentacles?</em>
</p><p>Jisung dared to inspect it with his poor vision, still stuck to the table - squish. -</p><p>Well, good news, it didn't appear to possess any. Bad news, <em>at the moment</em>.</p><p>Having seen how it made a hole, he assumed it could make itself some limbs if needed. </p><p>Jisung wiggled, trying to get a move on it, but to no avail. Now he thought about it. Wasn't he on a blob currently? He curiously turned his head to the table, his cheek uncomfortably grazing it. </p><p>It's... slimy. Yet, it's dry. The burning pink annoyed him. Yup. That's a blob he's on. </p><p>He heard clicking of metal. The pit in his stomach got deeper. He slowly tilted his head again. </p><p>Jisung's breath hitched. The blob was making its - not so obvious - head smaller, but somehow the collar still fit it perfectly. He calmed himself down. If he's been in the same room as that thing for who knows how long, then why would it decide to eat him now? Why wait?</p><p>"It won't get you, it's okay," he told himself.</p><p>Yet, there's always a surprise and this one is in the form of a pink big sized blob, that created itself some hands and was trying to push the collar from its head instead. </p><p>Jisung started screamimg, terrified, flailing about. What if it gets him? No person - or alien, in this case - to save him from being a meal to the unnecessarily cute monster. </p><p>The blob stopped what it was doing to look at him, Jisung stopping along with it, because, God, what is it gonna do? </p><p>As if to live out his worst hidden fears, its body swished like water before on the upper part, the one its trying to get through the collar, of it a hole formed, the ends of it curled upwards. Was that a... <em>smile? </em></p><p>What the <em>fuck</em>. </p><p>He's in no state to think over if it's supposed to be a comforting smile or a 'I'm gonna eat you, just wait a bit longer' smile. He's also in no state to believe that it won't do him any harm. Why were those men carrying one to him, assuming he was either sleeping or dead?</p><p>Jisung's screams got louder at the thought, tears welled up in his eyes. He didn't dare to blink them away, preferring to keep his eyes on it. He choked and coughed on the dryness of his mouth, feeling as if he might throw up with every cough, but he kept pushing against his restraints. Throwing himself in every possible way. They didn't give way though. </p><p>The adrenaline was slowly dissipating, leaving him drained. He gasped for air, only ending in a coughing fit again. His tears freely streamed down his cheeks. He gave up.</p><p>As if to mock his defeat the blob appeared beside him, eye-level to where he's on the table. </p><p>Heaving, he looked into its face. It stared. Somehow, Jisung believed that if he didn't move, it wouldn't move. So, he stared, his whole body tense, trying to calm his breathing.</p><p>Let's be honest, Jisung's projection isn't the best. When the blob started to form some kind of limb, he began to panic and trash again. Why it won't let him loose, is a mystery. Why it's so strong is another. </p><p>Suddenly, Jisung's vision was clouded by a rosy filter. Realising the blob put its limp on his face, made him try to inhale air in panic, but there was none. Jisung stared, wide eyed at the monster, his tears blurred his vision. His eyes begged for some kind of relieve, the pressure of blood pumping to his brain making him feel heavy, starting to see stars.</p><p>He almost fell uncounscious when the blob decided to revert back its slimey extension. He gasped for air and felt lightheaded. His heart didn't feel to be pounding a hundred miles an hour anymore. He was disturbingly calm. </p><p>When he got his breathing under control, he looked over at the squish, but he barely caught it sinking in and becoming one with the table, that's also a squish. Was it its body? </p><p>As if to confirm Jisung's suspicions, the restraints loosened and he pulled himself into sitting up. He rubbed his head now that he's free. Quickly, he remembered that he's still sitting on the pink monster. He scrambled off and seized a - what appeared to be - metal pole. </p><p>Jisung backed off into a corner, keeping the - presumable -  pole in front of him the whole time. The table shifted into a very, very big blob monster. So it was its body. They can seperate parts of itself? </p><p>This time, it didn't stay formless. It swished and swished like water, as if to expand itself. Before his eyes, it formed itself two hands and three legs - no, two legs and a tail. What is this creature? Is it an animal or men-made?</p><p>When it was done with its final form, his head formed some very weird features. Its eyes were two holes with in each of them a little hill. Its nose comparable to a skull's and its mouth a little hole. Well, probably not for long.</p><p>It started to close on Jisung, whose back was hard against the chamber's metal wall. As it got closer Jisung decided to swing the pole around. Maybe, it'll scare it away? He slashed through its body, yet, it absorbed all of his force. So, yeah, it didn't.</p><p>The warm light was shadowed over its giant body, making Jisung look up at it with fear. He kept the pole pointed at it. The blob crept the short distance.</p><p>Almost being up in his face, Jisung winced when instead of its mouth devouring him, a squeak sounded from the door opening once again.</p><p>Two mint men waltzed in, their lab coats swinging in the wind of the door closing behind them, talking with each other before one's gaze fell upon the sight. They both turned towards him, confused. Why are they confused?</p><p>The monster sensed the tension and quickly made itself small, hurling towards the collar, though, unsuccesful in getting it on.</p><p>Jisung stared - still with the pole out - as the younger of the men tiredly sighed and moved to the blob, helping it put the collar on, the blob appeared to be repulsed of going back locked up again, now. The mint man, slowly growing agitated, pressed some buttons on it and the blob got sucked into it. It slumped on the floor to a sad puddle of pink water, head still intact.</p><p>The elder man cautiously walked up to him, clipboard under his armpit. He cleared his throat before speaking, "<em>Wi min now arm.</em>" </p><p>Jisung will give the props to the man. Obviously, somehow he had learned one of the awful human languages. Thinking about it, he's glad it's his language. Like, imagine pulling up at an alien planet and all of a sudden they start talking to you in Swedish and you're just as confused as they are.</p><p>The man took another step, Jisung tried taking another back, the cold wall reminding him that he actually didn't have space to move back into. </p><p>His hand, mint with darker spots on it, grabbed the pole from him. He tried to pull it, to keep some kind of defence for himself, but the elder man was way stronger. Or maybe Jisung was just weak. He doesn't really work out, except for his arm that has to stay in the air for over two hours when he decides to work on a painting.</p><p>Now completely unshielded, he crossed his arms like a footballer standing in for the penalty kick. </p><p>"<em>Wi like to tak to yuw,</em>" the man said, his face strained to keep his pronunciation right. </p><p>They must want something from the human. Having learned a language. They surely want something. What could they want? </p><p>God, will Jisung play a part in the invasion of his planet? Surely, if the humans find out he'd be held accountable for everything. </p><p><em>Why did you get yourself abducted?! It's not my fault!</em> As if they'll believe him. He walked straight on into the light. Humans are hypocrites.</p><p>With a gulp he finally decided to answer, "What do you want from me?"</p><p>The younger man watched over the exchange, while the elder lightened up. He turned to the other alien excitedly rambling in their language. </p><p>Jisung stared, bewildered. The younger alien cleared his throat, making the other snap back to his bearings</p><p>He turned back, "<em>Pis fallow uz.</em>" And Jisung did just that, because what else could he do?</p><p>The younger alien walked behind him, keeping an eye on him as they crossed various corridors, some having glass. Jisung helped himself by looking outside, observing what's their planet.</p><p>Their ground could be compared to that of the moon. A few holes here and there. Yet, it was completely different. The sky was white, with the slightest hint of blue.</p><p>Creatures were walking outside. There was grass of candy, varying in colours, most likely to just be different plants. The trees grew like palms but the fruit it held instead came from the ground near the bark. </p><p>The fruit shone silver and gold, but no one was tempted as it lay untouched on the ground. Aliens passing by with blobs on leashes. They must be an equivalent to a dog.</p><p>When he looked back at the man behind him, a weird sense of déjà vu overcame him. The man gazed at him, undisturbed by the sudden wideness of Jisung's eyes.</p><p>His tired catlike eyes, somehow screamed for recognition. Jisung almost bumped into a wall, not realising he should turn. The man nodded to the side, telling him to watch out.</p><p>
  <em>It's the man he's seen in his dreams. The alien he's drawn on his canvas. </em>
</p><p>Jisung's tried to process the information as he kept glancing back at him. He didn't appear to mind human eyes on him. </p><p>The question, though, is <em>why he'd seen the alien before knowing of his existence.</em></p><p>What felt like an hour, they've finally gotten to a room. The elder alien ushered him inside and ordered the other to do something. </p><p>For some kind of reason, he'd felt disappointed. The alien was a familiarity. So what if this is the second time he's seen him. He had painted and stared at the alien for over three hours. No way could he be any more familiar with than the one he's already seen on earth. In foreign territory a human will always seek comfort.</p><p>The man closed the door and gestured for Jisung to sit on a - still not sure if it is metal - metal chair. The room was smaller than the first one he'd been in and much, much colder with its nearly non-existent interior, four chairs and a table.</p><p>He sat down in front of him. His hands locking in front of him. He kept observing the human, only resulting in making him the more uncomfortable than he already is.</p><p>When time seemed to move too long, too fast, Jisung realised he's not going to get a conversation starter from him. "So, why?" </p><p>The alien shook his head, snapping out of his train of thoughts. He reached somewhere on his body - right, bodysuit. Jisung had drawn them before, no way are they walking completely naked, right? God, he hopes he's right. - and pulled out a black sheet of- paper, it must be some kind of paper.</p><p>He looked over it and read up, "<em>Human, wi-</em>" The other alien came back. The elder sighed and waited.</p><p>Jisung's gaze didn't leave the younger alien's body since the moment he's walked through the door. The man didn't look him in the eyes, rather keeping his own on the plate he's holding. He put it down in front of him, but the human didn't even glance at it. </p><p>The alien backed off to stand in the corner. His eyes in Jisung's direction. Not noticing any movement of his towards what's on the plate he looked up.</p><p>Meeting Jisung eye to eye. His sharp eyes for once filled with emotion. Confusion flickered insecurely around his expression. </p><p>The human caught off guard, finally realised what he's been doing. He apologised. The elder didn't comment, instead gestured to the plate.</p><p>When Jisung looked down onto it, he might've preferred to be eaten by the blob instead. On the green plate a small creature gazed up at him. Is this supposed to be like, French cuisine? He didn't know. <em>Snails?</em> </p><p>"You- you eat, this?" He asked bewildered, pointing at the poor animal(?).</p><p>"<em>No</em>," the elder answered simply, glancing at it.</p><p>"Then why- Why are you giving me this?" </p><p>"<em>Wi obselve human bihaviol an yu showe eat otha livin ting,</em>" the man explained, a little repulsed in Jisung's opinion.</p><p>"So, what. You're like, vegetarian?" </p><p>"<em>Wi no eat alive,</em>" he comfirmed. </p><p>Jisung nodded, slightly annoyed. "I don't eat things alive either. I'd rather keep this thing as a pet than put it anywhere near my mouth."</p><p>The younger alien shot the elder a glare. Which to Jisung seemed a total 'I told you so.' gaze. The man coughed and slid the black paper over to him.</p><p>On it was a whole speech in human language. He must have given up on reading it up.</p><p>Jisung took it, scanning the letters. They put all of their intentions on the sheet and they were pretty reasonable if you ask Jisung.</p><p>1. They want reasources from earth. They don't have to be big quantities, apparently there's a copy machine here that'll give them infinite amount of a grain. (Jisung should ask them to make a few copies of his golden ring.)</p><p>2. They want to know human behaviour better. (Now, that's risky. Are they studying them to attack?)</p><p>3. Jisung won't be returned to his planet if he doesn't agree to the conditions. </p><p>So, that's settled. </p><p>"It's a deal." Fuck human security.</p><p>The man nodded, satisfied. None of them looked sure of what to do now.</p><p>"Can I look around your planet?" Jisung dared. The alien stood up coaxing him to do the same. He was easy to agree, or maybe he didn't really have a lot to lose.</p><p>They walked out of the room, Jisung glancing over at the sad creature on the plate and the alien as he took it back the other way than they're going.</p><p>A short walk later they ended up at a door, supposedly to the outside. </p><p>"<em>Oxygen level of or planat is lowal dan yul,</em>" he warned, but - totally opposite - encouraged him with a nod.</p><p>Jisung turned the handle, without a thought stepped out and looked around.</p><p>It didn't feel that bad. He walked a bit, the alien watching him suspiciously. </p><p>Slowly, he did started to get lightheaded. Assuming, the lower levels, he might struggle a bit, not too much hopefully. Within a few steps he was heaving.</p><p><em>Too low.</em> </p><p>He turned back, the alien not moving from his spot. Jisung suddenly lost the strength in his legs, them giving out and landing on his knees. Still, no movement of the elder.</p><p>This must have been a setup, he thought, his vision turning, again, black.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/sungshack">twitter</a>
  <br/>
  <a href="https://curiouscat.me/sungshack">cc</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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